Not to oversimplify it, but to sum it up, the game is all about your attitude.
There are probably hundreds of routines and lines, games and techniques that are designed to build attraction, pump buying temperature, generate comfort, etc, but it all boils down to your attitude.
For example if you’re busting on a girl and teasing, if you’re just saying those lines because you’re following protocol and “theory”, she’ll sense that something’s wrong and chances are she might get offended by a simple neg of “Is she always like that?” However if you come from the frame of a guy who’s just having fun, then chances are they will laugh or react positively.
At the same time there is a fine line between having fun and being an insensitive jerk, so you have to watch out for that.
June 19, 2008 at 1:14 pm · Filed under Field Reports
Carrying around my Crumpler camera bag into a club wasn’t exactly the most convenient or inconspicuous thing in the world, plus it made dancing a lot of harder when you have a dSLR in a bag which is swinging from side to side.
George and Ferhan had disappeared for the night, we found out that they had decided to explore all the areas of the club, namely the 70’s room which left only Hijjas and I alone on the dance floor. Feeling a little awkward with my bag and extremely sober, I thought I should at least try to make the best of the situation and dance anyway.
There she was, dancing and having fun with her girl friend. I decided she looked like fun, however liquid courage only shows up when one is inebriated. Just when I thought to myself “Great, another tease,” she turned and looked at me.
It was one of those moments when you’ve been caught staring and you can’t seem to tear yourself away. I believe they call this phenomenon the “deer caught in the headlights looks,” which was exactly what this was. She gave a quick smile and broke away from her friend and made her way to somewhere closer to me.
Proximity alarm bells were going off in my head, I had to do something!
I decided to test the waters first by dancing closer, and she danced closer too till we were side by side, our arms brushing gently. She did not seem to mind and I wasn’t about to complain either. Time to make things more interesting, I thought, as I made my way to behind her.
One of the sexiest things a girl can do while dancing with you is when her back is to you, she’s playing with hair and she’s constantly looking over her shoulders at you with that coy smile. That was exactly what she was doing. Damn.
Then as quickly as it began, it ended with her going back to her friend to dance with her. I can’t blame her, if it was just me and my friend in the club, I wouldn’t abandon him for some chick, not unless I was sure they could hold their own.
Suddenly she was back, grinding me, what a tease. I realized I had to do something and quick!
“Dude, go dance with her friend!” I urged Hijjas.
“No!” He exclaimed. “I don’t know what to do!”
“Just go to her friend, and just start dancing to her!” I was getting exasperated, time was running short and I was on the losing end.
“I don’t know, no, I can’t!”
“Look, just stand behind her at the very least, can you do that?” I tried to compromise.
“No! I cannot!” I was on the verge of tearing out my hair. I grabbed him, pushed him to behind her friend.
“Just stand there and dance, do this for me please!”
“Fine fine,” he had finally relented, a little too late though. She decided that it was chicks over dicks, dragged her friend off to another part of the dance floor and that was the last I saw of her.
I was reading The Art of Approaching by Thundercat yesterday and even though personally I felt it was a rehash and in-depth read into openers along the lines of Style and Mystery, he did give some valuable insights which I thought I’d share.
I’d like to share a quote from his book:
People who lack confidence simply do not understand other people. They nervously see others as judgmental because that’s how they are, and they think everyone else must be exactly the same way.
In order to offset their own negative feelings about themselves, many will pour blame and criticism onto others, and never look at their part of the problem, which is this:
The way you judge yourself forms your view of other people.
Perhaps if you find yourself as a judgmental sort of person, like you find yourself constantly bitching about others, viewing others in a negative light, you’ll realize that those are just reflections of yourself and how you perceive others judge you.
For example I am quite judgmental, when I’m out and I see people dressed like idiots or have their cracks showing or are overly overweight I think to myself or bitch to a friend about how silly they look, what idiots they are and etc. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with having opinions but don’t delude yourself because having an opinion and judging someone are two completely different things. Anyway my point is, I can get extremely self-conscious at times, like I’ll be constantly on the look out for things that might be out of place on myself, are my pants too low, is my zip opened, does my shirt have a hole, are there any stains on my mouth, etc.
Trust me when I tell you what a huge waste of time that is, and there is no better way to get into your own head by doing that. It’s time to stop being so critical of others and to realize that not everyone is judging you as harshly as you judge them, of course you can choose to not care what others think and continue to judge them harshly, but I think that perhaps in the long run not judging people or bitching about them leads to a better and happier lifestyle =P I will leave you with another quote from the book:
Nice Guys tend to be the most self-centered people out there. All their actions are in an effort to please others so they can get that “validation fix” they so desperately want.
Therefore, their motives are selfish.
Ass Holes don’t need anything from anyone. Therefore, their actions of kindness are completely selfless, because they expect nothing in return.
Nice Guys tend to judge themselves quite harshly.
Ass Holes don’t bother to judge themselves. It’s a waste of their time.
Was going through one of my management slides in preparation for my exams (wish me luck guys), and I came across this point which I thought was a pretty good description of neediness, or need in general.
A need is a strong feeling of deficiency in some aspect of a person’s life that creates an uncomfortable tension.
Loosely translated into pickup, when you’re needy, it shows the girl that hey I lack girls in my life which is why I’m clinging onto you so desperately, which also ends up creating uncomfortable tension. Ta-da!
I was surfing the forums today and I came across this chat log this guy on the forums had with this girl and this sort of goes with my post on congruency. Take a read and I’ll explain it.
Me: Well aren’t you a cutie. Too bad I’m gay though, because if I wasn’t, you would so be mine.
HB: Well thank you very much! You made my day
Me: Wow…you don’t even know who I am and you already love me. +5 points for you.
HB: Hehe I didn’t say I love you, I just said thank you!
Me: My god…you are such a pain! I can already tell that we will never get along. We’re too much alike. We’ll fight and fight and fight and I’ll win every time. What fun is that?
HB: Hehe you wish you would win! Yeah you’re probably right. We would probably fight. I always want things my way jk!
Me: Okay Ms. Selfish, even though you’re cute, you still kinda look like a dork in your picture. But I’m going to make you my new Myspace friend anyway. If it works out, you and I are gonna go to Greece. And I’ll dress you up in a toga and we’ll sell hot dogs at the beach. You can run the hot dog stand. I’ll just supervise.
HB: Speaking of looking like a dork, you shouldn’t be talking hahaha! and I will not wear a toga and I don’t really like hot dogs…I’m kind of a veggie person.
Me: Man! You are not adventurous at all are you?
HB: Who said I was not adventurous? I would not go to Greece, I would rather go to the Bahamas, Asia, or the Philippines!
Me: You know what? You seem like you might be able to keep up with me so I’ll reward you with my phone number. ###*###*####. Just don’t call me 9 times a day because that’ll get very annoying.
HB: You’re so funny I guess you will just have to be a good boy and maybe I’ll call you.
Me: You better be a good girl and maybe I’ll answer your phone call.
HB: If you don’t answer, then it’s okay there is always someone else to talk to. hahah.
Me: Well in that case, I DARE you to call me.
HB: Sorry already on the phone.
Me: Give me a ring when you’re ready. It takes a lot of courage to call someone like myself.
HB: Courage?! Psssh whatever!
Me: You’re such a sweetheart. I promise nothing but great conversation, so we’ll see if you build up the courage.
HB: Well actually the truth is I’m sick and can barely talk right now, I caught a cold over the weekend so yea hahah you would probably make fun of the way I talked if I called you right now.
Me: I’ll be a good boy.
HB: Why would you want to talk to me anyways I thought you did not like girls..
Me: I thought you knew I was kidding…dummy. That did make me laugh though so high five.
Doesn’t anyone else find the conversation a bit “fake”? It sounds like he’s spitting script at the girl no matter response, like when she tells him “I didn’t say I love you” and he straight away throws a neg her way, I mean not to say those lines don’t work but it just reminded me of what Jeffy said in his videos about guys who armed with scripts and lines and routines and whose idea of pickup is to bombard these girls with line after line and routine. It’s like there’s this script in their head already which goes like:
Me: (opinion opener)
Her: (don’t care what she says)
Me: (neg/disqualify)
Her: (don’t care what she says)
Me: (DHV) etc
It’s like they’re completely ignoring what the girl is saying in favor to scripts. Juggler said that most guys miss cues that girls give us that will allow us to ask the next question or move forward in the interaction. Example:
Me: (opinion opener)
Her: (something)
Me: So you come here much?
Her: Not really, I actually just moved here from New York etc etc.
Me: Oh I love New York! I’m pretty sure for someone who lived there you must have eaten at so-and-so restaurant etc.
Isn’t that a more organic and dynamic and natural conversation as opposed to:
Me: (opinion opener)
Her: (something)
Me: So you come here much?
Her: Not really, I actually just moved here from New York etc etc.
Me: Oh ok. Do you believe in ESP?
I suppose I can’t really blame these guys for favoring routines and scripts because it works. Sure maybe you’ll get her number at the end of the night but beyond that have you really made an emotional connection with her? This is also the reason why a lot of the guys on the forums gripe about the community being “exposed” through books like The Game, Rules of the Game, VH1’s The Pickup Artist and etc, it’s because all these lines will be overused and they will be left with an outdated script.
For quite awhile I’ve always been under the impression that if a girl messages you, or takes the initiative to message you first, or call you out of the blue, etc, it probably is an IOI (indicator of interest). I mean let’s face it, how many of us guys felt a little twinge of excitement when you see the message from the girl you’re interested in, like “Ooh, she wants me!”
A couple days ago I was discussing this with George and I told him if I enjoyed talking to the girl, I don’t see how it matters if I message first or she messages first, and I probably shouldn’t care if she messages me first and etc. I added that however it didn’t necessarily mean that just because she messages you first that it’s an instant IOI, granted that she thought about you which was why she messaged you.
However sometimes just because she thought of you, it doesn’t always mean it’s a good thing. For example if you’re the chump sort and you’ve been always available to her, Mr. Reliable, she’ll think of you when she needs something done, like “I’m hungry, can you buy some McD’s and bring it to my house?” Sometimes she could just be bored and because she knows you’ll always reply, she’ll message you. Sometimes she could really just like you and want to talk to you, which is a good thing.
My point is that just because she makes the first move or takes the initiative that it’s always a good thing, I’m not saying discount it entirely, just that there are more sides to it than you think.
They say nice guys don’t get the girls, I used to agree with that statement but I’ve been thinking about it and I realize it’s not entirely true.
When they say nice guys, they mean guys who supplicate, guys who do nice things with an ulterior motive behind their actions. For example guys who buy girls drinks because they hope that by doing so girls will feel some sense of obligation to stay and talk to them, or even go home with them, guys who display over-caring behavior, constantly asking girls if there’s anything they can do, if they need help, etc and by doing that they hope that they can demonstrate that they’re caring guys and will continue doing so as their potential boyfriend.
Then you have guys who will constantly run around doing things for girls, fetching them, taking them out to lunch/dinner, buying food for them when it’s 3am in the morning just cause the girl is hungry. All of this is done with a motive behind - to score brownie points.
Then you have guys who are genuinely nice, these guys just care because that’s who they are. They’ll probably do the same for their guy friends, fat girls, ugly girls, as long as they are deserving of the help, sometimes they’ll help anyway because they’re just helpful and selfless.
One word - congruent. These guys are congruent with who they are, they are in alignment with their personality, summed up it pretty much says “This is who I am, what you see is what you get,” as opposed to the “nice” guys who girls can smell a mile away. Some girls are turned off by such neediness and attention, and some take advantage. Those guys project a “Let me show you what a great boyfriend I can be!” vibe.
It’s not true that nice guys don’t get the girls. Needy guys and guys with ulterior motives don’t get the girls. If you’re the asshole kind of guy, don’t be apologetic about it, if you’re a genuinely nice guy embrace it, as long as you’re congruent and comfortable with who you are, it will show.
*edit*
Just curious, I’m pretty sure you guys know of certain people who do things which are completely chump or things that just aren’t “game” material, but yet they manage to pull more girls than you, or at least have a decent amount of success.
As you can see, I have changed the layout. Obviously wasn’t created by me since I should be studying and doing my work instead of updating my layout and blog.
Some of you have told me that you get errors when you try to load my blog, that’s taken care of already, so stay tuned for updates and stuff.
April 23, 2008 at 12:10 am · Filed under Uncategorized
So quick question before I get back to my friends..just kidding. But seriously, I’m curious as to what your position is with regards to going after someone you like who has a partner already.
Personally my stance on this is that as long as they’re not married, or if you don’t know the guy then it’s fair game. Call me an asshole or whatever, but let me know what you think, I’ll be interested in your opinions.
